


12 Days of Elaborate Gifts

by Startedwith1Whisper



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6195970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startedwith1Whisper/pseuds/Startedwith1Whisper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While staying at the model home to avoid her apartment's fumigation, Lana gets a succession of elaborate gifts from a secret admirer in the days leading up to Christmas. Who's behind all this? Could there be a bit of magic in the process?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm writing a Christmas-themed fic in March. I actually started it last December but only just figured out how to finish it, and if I wait until this Christmas to post it, I'll probably forget to.  
> My OFC, Lana King, is a family friend who interned at the Bluth Company during her college days and has recently started working there again after a failed attempt at starting her own business. She's also been in love with Gob for most of this time.  
> This work takes place sometime after season 4, probably this coming Christmas (which hasn't happened yet, I know!). Gob's relationship with Tony Wonder has burned out, and now he's wondering if maybe trying to make something work with someone he's known for years wouldn't be so bad.

Christmastime has to be the worst possible time for your landlord to fumigate your apartment, and Lana has no idea how she ended up being that unlucky person.  
Still, she’s lucky enough that her old friend and current boss Michael’s taken pity on her and let her stay at the model home with his dysfunctional but somehow lovable family until after Christmas.  
Or is that so lucky? After all, she’s had a crush on-been in love with, if she really thinks about it-his brother Gob ever since she first interned for the Bluth Company in college. He’s never been very good at magic, but he tries so hard and he’s so determined and gorgeous and clueless and sweet, in an offhand way. It’s an irresistible combo for her.  
Oh well. It’s better than having to get a hotel, or worse, one of those extended stay motels. She supposes she could’ve always rented an Airbnb, but then she’d miss out on all the unusual company-and Lucille’s vodka, when she’s distracted or in a rare sharing mood.  
Maybe she is lucky after all.  
Until she almost walks into a tree. “Wait, why is there a tree-I mean, other than the Christmas tree-in the living room? And what’s in it?”  
Michael shrugs. “It looks like a pear, a flash drive, and a note. But who’d stuff all that in a tree?”  
Lana grabs the note first and reads it. _“Dear Lana, I’ve been in love with you for a while now, and I decided that now was the time to go big in expressing it. The flash drive contains Partridge Family songs and pictures of partridges-I was trying to do something different with the old song. I’ll reveal my identity on Christmas Day. Until then you can call me… Emerald Smoke.”_  
She laughs. “A partridge-themed flash drive! It’s a modern twist on ‘partridge in a pear tree’.”  
Michael rubs his head. “Cute. Real cute. Look, if you’re okay on your own with your partridge cartridge, I’m gonna go take some Advil-my head’s killing me.”


	2. Day 2

A dove is cooing on Lana’s chair when she gets back to the model home.  
“Hey, little guy-or girl, I can’t really tell. You’re a pretty bird.” She holds out one finger and the dove flies onto it. _Oh my God, I feel like freakin’ Snow White-only strawberry blonde. Wait-it’s supposed to be two turtle doves. Where the hell’s the other one?_  
A crash and a squawk resound from the kitchen, followed by Michael’s “How the fuck is this dove shit happening again?”  
_Question asked and answered. Apparently Gob knows Emerald somehow-maybe he’s somebody from the Alliance?_  
“It’s okay, Michael,” Lana calls. “So one of Emerald’s doves died. That’s fine-it’s the thought that counts. Gob would throw it into the ocean-you know, ‘return from whence you came,’ and all that-but you can bury it if you think that’s better.”


	3. Day 3

A petting zoo is suddenly set up in the Bluth Company offices on the third morning, bankrolled by “a mysterious benefactor” who refused to give his name. Lana takes a break from her work and pets all the animals, but one chicken in particular seems to latch onto her. She plans to go out when lunchtime rolls around, but instead some random guy comes in carrying a gorgeous glazed chicken with vegetables in a little plastic pan.  
“Delivery for Lana King?”  
“Yeah, that’s me. Who’s it from?”  
The delivery boy shrugs. “I don’t know, some guy. He called himself Emerald Smoke.”  
Lana shrugs, generously tips the delivery boy, and eats the chicken, which tastes just as good as it looks.  
When she gets home she’s greeted by a smirking Tobias. “Why, hello, Ms. Lana King! My primary skill as an analrapist was listening to the details of other people’s lives, so would you care to tell me why there’s a chicken roaming around the kitchen?”  
“Well, Tobias, I suppose it was left here by my secret admirer, who calls himself Emerald Smoke. Between this, the chicken I ate at lunch, and the chicken in the kamikaze petting zoo that showed up at work this morning imprinting on me, I believe that makes three French hens.”  
Tobias grins. “And do you have any idea who it might be?”  
“Well, there is this one guy I hope it is, but I don’t quite feel up to sharing that.”  
“OK! You always know where I am if, perchance, you wish to speak on the matter.” Tobias goes up to his room to wait for a Blue Man Group call, leaving Lana alone to wonder why they ever agreed to let him back on as an understudy- _did he pester them into it?_ -and pet her newest chicken.  
She can’t figure out whether to keep it as a pet or have it slaughtered. Michael’s the sensible one, so she’ll let him decide.


	4. Day 4

It’s a pretty uneventful day at the office, but then Lana gets a call on her way home.   
“Hey, Lana, it’s Michael. Listen, I gotta warn you-”   
“Warn me about what, Michael?”   
Michael sighs. “Well, Mr. Emerald Smoke sent you another live gift. Just-that’s all I can say. Just watch out.”   
Lana gets back to the model home to find four vividly colored parrots in a cage. A bright green parrot looks right at her. “Awk! Hi, Lana!” and soon all four parrots are squawking “Hi, Lana!” It’s mostly charming, and a little bit annoying.   
Michael shakes his head. “Why did he send you parrots?”   
She cackles at his (probably intentional) cluelessness. “They’re parrots, Michael, and they’re calling my name. Four calling birds.”   
He sighs. “Well, that makes so much sense now that you said that. I don’t know what I was expecting.”   
There’s a receipt taped to the birdcage, with a scribbled note on the bottom saying that the parrots are apparently on loan from a local pet shop and need to be back there by its 9:00 closing time. As Lana takes them back, she can’t help hearing Gob’s voice in her head: “Return from whence you came!” Wait-could Gob be her secret admirer? She quickly shakes the thought away. _No, I’m the one who’s had the crush on him for so many years. There’s no way he could possibly love me._


	5. Day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All rings listed are from http://www.refinery29.com/birthstone-jewelry-guide#slide. I'll also leave links to the individual rings at the end of the chapter.

Lana wakes up to find a ring on her dresser-a raw garnet set in what looks like white gold.  
“Hey, Maeby? Do you know how this ring got here? I’ve never seen it before in my life-well, not in person. I think I saw it online once.”  
Her temporary roommate for the whole fumigation saga shrugs. “Emerald Smoke gave it to me-he told me to put it on your dresser before I went to bed.”  
She stumbles upon two more rings before leaving the house-yellow gold with a single tiny pearl on the edge of the sink when she takes her shower and yellow gold with emeralds and black and white diamonds handed to her in the kitchen by Lindsay, who gives the same “Emerald Smoke gave it to me” explanation. They’re beautiful, so she stacks them all on her right ring finger before heading to work.  
There’s something shimmering in her pencil cup when she gets to the office-it’s a fourth ring, yellow gold completely covered in rubies and baguette diamonds-when she fishes it out. _Onto the stack it goes,_ she thinks. _Okay, Emerald, today’s five golden rings, so where’s the fifth one?_  
Lana heads out to the banana stand at lunch. When George Michael passes her banana through the window, she feels something poking her hand where the banana meets the stick-a simple baguette blue topaz in rose gold, which she recognizes as an imported ring. _Hello, bachelor number 5, and how did he get you over here from England?_  
“Emerald Smoke? Yeah, he got to me too,” George Michael says with an awkward laugh.  
She echoes the laugh in an attempt to put him at ease. “Thanks, George Michael. You’re a good kid. I hope all this Emerald Smoke business isn’t too weird for you.”  
“Oh, no weirder than usual in this family.” They share one more laugh as Lana adds the ring to her stack and walks away with her banana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ring #1: http://ericaweiner.com/collections/all/products/rough-gem-ring-garnet  
> Ring #2: http://www.stevenalan.com/Seed-Pearl-Ring/VEN_ALL_NA_VA-R1601-18K.html?dwvar_VEN__ALL__NA__VA-R1601-18K_color=2381  
> Ring #3: http://store.mociun.com/jewelry/rings/#!/758-andoromeda-stone-cluster-cluster-ring/  
> Ring #4: http://www.pollywales.com/products/pink-sapphire-baguette-diamond-halo-eternity-ring/  
> Ring #5: http://www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/astley-clarke-18ct-gold-vermeil-london-blue-topaz-ring_996-10080-35042YBER/?previewAttribute=


	6. Day 6

There’s another gift on Lana’s dresser this morning-a small trinket box in the shape of a goose on a nest. She smirks, knowing today’s six geese a-laying.   
A panicked cry from the bathroom: “What the hell?!”   
Lana’s nearest to the bathroom, so she runs to the door and knocks. “What’s going on in there?”   
George Michael cracks the door open. “There’s a goose in the bathtub. I’m okay, but it scared me half to death!”   
Lana sighs and decides to go for a walk in the park. Three more geese follow her in the park, and it’s actually nice feeding them.   
When she gets to the model home, Michael’s holding a plate out to her. “A meal delivery to you, Lana.”   
It’s scrambled eggs and some sort of smoked meat-exotic, from the smell of it. She smirks. “Let me guess-goosemeat sausage to fit the theme?”   
“Good nose. I never would’ve guessed that-although it seems obvious now.” Michael leaves the kitchen. “Enjoy.”   
She does. It’s not like she wants to eat goosemeat sausage every day, but it’s actually not too bad on a one-time basis.


	7. Day 7

Lana decides to have her lunch on the dock today.   
“Better be careful,” the guy at the marina tells her. “There’s a swan infestation.”   
“Really? Isn’t it kinda late in the year for swans to be out?”   
A shrug from the marina guy. “You know how it is. It’s southern California-so warm the birds don’t know when to migrate.”   
She moves on to the edge of the dock. “Okay. Thanks for the warning!”   
As she sits on the dock’s edge, she suddenly hears a honking. She looks down to find a cluster of swans in the water just off the edge.   
“Hey, guys. You want some food?”   
They honk at her. As Lana tears pieces of her bread crust off to toss into the water, she does a quick count. Yup-seven swans a-swimming.   
“You probably shouldn’t feed ‘em!” the marina guy yells.   
Lana smiles and shakes her head, yelling back “No, it’s okay, they’re mine-gift from a secret admirer! Do you have anything you can use to help me catch them?”


	8. Day 8

She marks the day off as getting to an unconventional start when a pretty young barista with a nametag reading “Jessica” comes up to her desk with a Starbucks cup and says “Excuse me, are you Lana King?”  
“Yeah, that’s me. What can I help you with?”  
“Well, ma’am, I’ve been asked to give you this.” The girl thrusts the coffee cup at her. “A mocha latte, 3 creams. From Emerald Smoke.”  
Lana arches her eyebrow. “Thank you very much. Do you need a tip?” When Jessica doesn’t respond, she fishes $2 out of her purse and hands it over. “Okay, here’s your tip. Thanks again, Jessica!”  
The barista blushes. “Thank you, ma’am.”  
Jessica’s only the first opening of the floodgates. All day, Lana’s inundated with young women delivering some sort of dairy product to her from Emerald Smoke-five in total.  
She gets to the model home to find Michael holding a china woman in old-fashioned clothes. “I believe this is for you.”  
Lana takes the china woman from Michael and examines her. She’s holding a bucket-suddenly it all makes sense. “The five women who made dairy deliveries to me all day, one of which was a mocha latte with three creams, and now this statue-8 maids a-milking!”  
Michael groans. Lana ignores him in favor of reading the note taped to the bottom of the china milkmaid: _“Do you know, my dear Lana, how hard it is to find an actual milkmaid in southern California? This is the best I could think to do on short notice. Love, Emerald”_  
“Pretty clever, Emerald,” she murmurs under her breath. “Now if I could just figure out for sure who you are…”


	9. Day 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ballet flash mob is set to Trans-Siberian Orchestra's "A Mad Russian's Christmas," which is basically an arena-rock version of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies". Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P9xxJ4V7no

While out and about on Balboa Bay, Lana encounters what appears to be a flash mob composed entirely of ballerinas, all dancing to “A Mad Russian’s Christmas,” the fastest _Nutcracker_ -inspired piece she’s ever heard. It makes her nostalgic for her college days, when despite being entirely too tall and inexperienced to go pro, she took ballet to stay in shape.   
One of the ballerinas tugs her into the flash mob. _Thank God I wore flats today,_ she thinks.   
The steps come back to her fairly easily, even though the new tempo’s tricky. Suddenly she takes the time to count.   
_Eight ballerinas and me-oh my God, I’m participating in my own gift. I’m now the ninth lady dancing._   
Once the song finishes, Lana breaks free and walks off with a wave, wondering how Emerald Smoke keeps getting more elaborate and creative with his “12 Days of Christmas” gifts-and how he knows so much about her.


	10. Day 10

Two days before Christmas and Lana’s at the mall trying to finish her Christmas shopping when she’s suddenly assaulted by Hot Cops. At first she’s able to sit back and enjoy it-she is in the food court, after all-but then something dawns on her.   
_I don’t think the Hot Cops have ever jumped this much during their routines._ She stops the one nearest to her.   
“Excuse me, what’s your last name? I don’t need to know any more details about you-just the last name.”   
The Hot Cop seems confused by the question, but answers it anyway: “Lord.”   
Lana repeats the process with each Hot Cop and gets the same answer, occasionally with a slight spelling difference. _And there’s my ten lords a-leaping._   
Another question comes to her head: “Did Emerald Smoke send you?” The closest Hot Cop nods. “Was he a Hot Cop at one time? Another nod, and then he says “I really can’t give out any more details than that, ma’am.”   
“It’s all right, guys. You already told me everything I needed to know. Thanks!”   
The Hot Cops leave without incident-in fact, Lana thinks one of them even saluted her. _If Emerald Smoke is the former Hot Cop I think he is, I’ll never need the others again,_ she muses before heading back to her shopping.


	11. Day 11

Lana believes there has to be a God of some sort, but she’s never been particularly religious.  
Still, she’s always enjoyed going to a local nondenominational church for their Christmas Eve service, and this year is no exception.  
After all, the story of Jesus’ birth is an amazing story of hope even if you don’t believe its specifics, and the songs transport her to another world.  
This year, however, there’s a specific difference. Between the preacher’s sermon and the end-of-service candlelighting, a line of woodwind players files onto the stage-flutes, recorders, oboes, even a bagpiper. As if this weren’t surprise enough, they start playing “Joy to the World,” Lana’s favorite Christmas carol.  
Lana blanches. Could Emerald Smoke have figured out her Christmas Eve ritual and brought the eleven pipers piping into it?  
**Flashback: earlier in the week**  
The pastor, a much less creepy sort than Mr. Veal, meets with a man he’s never seen before. “Listen, guy-or Reverend Guy, I don’t know, I’ve never really been to church before-there’s a girl who attends your Christmas Eve service every year. I love her more than anyone else on this earth. I want to surprise her, and I need your help with it.”  
“I’ll see what I can do,” the pastor says.  
**Present day**  
As Lana shakes hands with the pastor, she mentions the pipers. “You’ve never had that before. Is it new this year?”  
The pastor nods. “I hired them earlier in the week. If it went over well, we may have them back next year.”  
_Way to not reveal anything, Pastor,_ Lana thinks. _Oh, this reeks of Emerald._


	12. Day 12

Christmas Day, finally, and nobody at the Bluth Company has to come into work. Lana wakes up early but takes her time picking out what to wear-something with red or green in it, but not both, to avoid looking cliché. She finally chooses a red striped dress Lindsay helped her pick out from The Outnet and a red costume jewelry necklace from a vintage store.  
The drumbeats start when she starts working on her makeup, but it’s actually kinda nice to have some sort of music to work to. They don't stop, and just as she’s finishing up her lipstick-Red Headband, a limited-edition shade based on one of the actresses from that show about rich NYC teens-somebody pounds on her door.  
“Lana!” It’s Lucille, just arrived for the Bluth Christmas celebration and no doubt hungover. “Help me, please, I can’t get them to stop!”  
Lana finally rushes to the window over Lucille’s shouting at the people outside and gasps. A drum corps is standing in front of the model home, playing their hearts out. Twelve drummers drumming. Now her mind recognizes the drumbeats’ current pattern and overlays a cheesy 80s guitar riff onto it.  
“‘Final Countdown!’ So Emerald Smoke **_is-_** ” she mutters, her heart suddenly pounding against her ribcage.  
Her thought’s interrupted by Lucille pounding even harder. “Lana, for the love of God, I can’t get them to shut the fuck up and Michael won’t help me!”  
All the air whooshes out of Lana’s lungs at once. “Sorry, Lucille, I don’t think they’re gonna stop till I get out there. I’ll be right down!”  
Once she’s sure Lucille’s already huffed her way downstairs, she shoves on the pair of shoes closest to her-green Loubs, so much for not wearing red and green at the same time, I am now officially a walking cliché-and rushes down the stairs and out the door. On her way out, she catches a glimpse of the Bluths over her shoulder. They’re all wearing knowing smiles, except for Lucille, who’s rolling her eyes and drinking, and Gob, who’s not in the house at all.  
He appears next to her in a puff of-what else?-green smoke. All she can do is stare at him, blue eyes wide. “Gob, how-“  
Gob holds up a finger, and Lana’s mouth closes instantly. “Lana, I always knew you liked me, and I couldn’t help falling for you. I was just so intimidated by you; I mean, should-should the-the girl who’s got everything together-should she-should she l-love-be in love with-the guy in the $5,000 suit-sh-sh-should she-should-sh-”  
Lana grabs his arm hard. “Gob, look at me. Breathe.”  
Once he’s returned to something resembling a normal state, he continues. “Anyways, I’ve loved you probably as long as you’ve liked me, but I never thought I was good enough for you. You’re my Sally Sitwell, as it were. Finally, after things failed so spectacularly with Tony, I decided that I had to take the risk, even if you ended up breaking my heart. I love you, Lana King, and I just had to let you know.”  
Her heart leaps at the knowledge that Gob’s felt the same about her all this time but breaks knowing he never felt worthy of telling her. “You-you love me? You’ve loved me all this time?" He nods, and she smiles softly. “Well, as you like to say, same.”  
As they kiss, Maeby and Michael start the applause, the rest of the family joining in at varying degrees of indifference, followed by the drum corps crossing their sticks on top of their drums in order to free up their hands and clap.  
“And a partridge in a pear tree,” Lana hums when she breaks away for a breath. Gob laughs against her lips as he sweeps in for another kiss. Lucille hastily refills her drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lana's dress: https://www.theoutnet.com/en-US/product/Isabel-Marant/Macy-printed-silk-chiffon-mini-dress/702004  
> Necklace: https://www.etsy.com/listing/234024229/vintage-costume-jewelry-red-beads (already sold)  
> Shoes: http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/pigalle-follies-13.html  
> The "Red Headband" lipstick is fictional, inspired by Blake Lively's shade from the L'Oreal Colour Riche Collection Exclusive reds. I called the fictional lipstick "Red Headband" as a callback to Leighton Meester's _Gossip Girl_ character Blair Waldorf, so as not to make the connection too obvious.


End file.
